One Tough Mother

The Times They Are About to be Changin'

2008-12-30T10:56:00.000-08:00

Oh, my.

It's been THAT long since I last posted?!

Forgive me...again. I've been pondering why I seem to shrink from this portion of communicating and have come to the conclusion that I need to break this blog out a bit wider. To allow myself (and your comments in response) to cover a broader gamut of thought, opinions, advice, humor, and over all personality.

So that's what I'm going to do in the next few weeks.

Set up a revived blogging spot by which you and I can talk shop. Confer. Opine. Pontificate. Laugh so hard we (nearly!) wet our pants. Okay, so some of you may choose to opt out regarding that. So be it.

Nevertheless, the goal is to meld the varying aspects of life, faith, kids, relationships, failures, dreams, questions, convictions, marriage, and everything else that makes up this life--our lives. And to get through it together.

Thoughts on a Tabloid Mom's Story

2008-10-29T08:52:00.000-07:00

Just finished reading, Through the Storm, and I appreciate and commend both Lynne and Lorilee Craker for filling it with informative reality-check content.

Reality Check: Lynne wasn't some whacked-out Baby Jane stage mom. (But you sell more tabloids if you say she is.)
Reality Check: Lynne never "cashed in" on either of her daughters fame. (I never knew she was a school teacher and ran her own successful daycare until the book. Yes, Britney built her the home she now lives in but last time I checked LOTS of wealthy and famous children had done that happily for their parents).
Reality Check: Lynne made choices she regrets. (Well, what mother or father among us reading this blog hasn't done the same thing?)
Reality Check: Lynne was, is, and will continue to be a Christian whose faith weaves in and through the multiple dynamics of her life. (This seems to be a tough pill for the world to understand and some Christians to accept).
Reality Check: Lynne loves her children.

Lynne didn't do everything right. Heck, none of us have! She admits to passivity and blind, naive, trust with manager types which you and I will probably never see the like of. But through the real and very public storm of her life and children's choices she proved to be One Tough Mother strong.

Here, I'll let Lynne speak for herself (page 164), after refusing to bend to family and Jamie Lynn's managament team's pressure to send her (Jamie Lynn) to a Christian-based residential facility in Tennesse...

"I cannot do this," I said. "This is not what she needs." To say I was raked over the coals would be like saying Louisiana is a tough muggy in July. Jamie, especially, did not mince words, yelling and ranting and accusing me of being co-dependent, among other things. But those lions could roar all they wanted--I would not budge...Standing my ground was not easy. I'd been so passive in so many ways for so long, letting managers and agents and executives decide the paths my children would walk. Not any longer. Not while I was still their mother."

Mother Prayer

2008-10-26T06:12:00.000-07:00

Please read and pray for the healing of Stephanie, a young mother fighting one tough battle for her life. Who among us reading this can do so without tearing up and drawing our little ones (and big one) closer to our sides and heart? If you have a sister who loves you like this...stop reading and pick up your phone or drive over to her house and tell her how much you love her.

If, like me, your relationship with a sister (or sisters) is unconventional or perhaps strained or non-exisistent, it's okay, bow your head (as I am doing as I type) and give thanks for what it is and who they are. It is what it is I often tell my children, but I'm learning as each calendar year rolls around to give thanks to God for everything and everyone He has allowed to shape me.

Family rarely resembles the cheesy shows from my youth nor the irreverent and shameless caricature crap emanating from the "New Kind of Family" channels illuminating the family rooms of our home. Rather, family with all its glorious and gut-wrenching highs and lows is the petri dish of the holy and difficult; the mundane and self-less.

Some Thoughts

2008-10-20T04:20:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's nearly the end of October. Ugh. I really don't know how those of you reading this post who blog and work and parent and travel and carry responsibilities in a dozen other areas find time to do even the simple essentials.

I'll be cruising along when I realize a month has gone by since I last spoke with my online comrades. Or fixed a home-cooked meal. So I'm going to settle into a routine today and tomorrow and do my best to post a quasi-profound missive her at One Tough Mother Talk.

Time, The Grand Equalizer

2008-09-25T17:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm totally addicted (in the most healthy of ways, mind you) to Facebook and all those other networking connects online. My kids think I'm weird and granted, they have a point, as I squeal out time and again from my office computer, "Oh, my gosh! I can't believe I found ....!"

In the past four days, I've talked with Jeff A. whom I first got to know in 1982 as a seventeen-year old girl desperate to find a way to stop living a double-life as a Christian(i.e. drinking like a fish on weekends and telling jokes, admittedly funny jokes, that would make a sailor blush).

I got a chance to do just that while working with Jeff, one of the "old" adults (um, he was probably all of 24 or so) on an organizational team for an area-wide youth rally in Moberly, MO. This was an opportunity to put my actions where my faith was supposed to be and I dove in for all I was worth. A couple of years later I saw Jeff at Hannibal LaGrange College and then, like so many people in our lives, he went somewhere with his family and that was that.

Fast forward 26 years... a quick facebook search...and there's Jeff with his still beautiful bride Sherry and their now grown (and married) sons. Like me, Jeff has a few pigment-challenged hair follicles on his head. Laugh lines. And I'm sure more than a few stories of failure and success. But as I look at the photos he posted, all I could really think about was the multiple pure expressions of love, affection, joy, and faithfulness on his face. He may not "look" 24 anymore and heaven knows I threw off 17 a long, long, loooooooong, time ago, but in the grand scheme of life, we stand equal.

A bit older.
A bit wiser.
And thankful for the faithful love of our family and Savior.

Facebook....finally

2008-09-14T08:19:00.000-07:00

Okay, viewbies, head over to facebook and look me up. Invite me over. Or knock on my cyber-door. I'm really enjoying this communication avenue and look forward to seeing your face and reading your comments.

Pleasure

2008-09-02T14:59:00.000-07:00

Greetings and salutations from the 75.7% organized office of my Chicago-land home office. All the bookshelves are filled (Priority #1 upon our arrival) and I located my old school, 3-ring binder with actual paper, speaking schedule two nights ago. Books and media inventory are all accounted for and a few pesky online orders which slipped through internet server cracks (hmm, are there cracks in space?) have been filled and shipped out for delivery.

Happy sigh. What a whirlwind it’s been as we packed up belongings and memories of fourteen years and settled into our new space in the bustling suburbs of Chicago. Par for Barnhill-spawnling course, the kids fearlessly sprinted out of their “major life change” starting blocks: Patrick is attending school and playing soccer for Harvest Christian Academy, his transition was seamless and he’s loving the food choices provided at lunch (is there anything more important to a growing 5’11” 13-year old boy?!); Kristen is soon to begin her junior year at Argosy University located nearby in Schaumburg—she’s looking to complete her Bachelor’s in Psychology and Master’s in Community Counseling; and Ricky Neal will put down academic stakes for two years at community college and then transfer to Liberty University for a degree in Political Science.

Meanwhile, Rick continues to work downstate while actively pursuing Human Resource employment within the Chicago-land area. He’s already mastered the art of the Metra & Amtrack and I’m counting down the days until details allow him to be home with me and the kids.

As for me? Well, my brain and spirit can barely contain the “this-is-so-right” assurance of following God’s leading in all these things. It’s an unshakable settled knowing of being dead-center where you need to be. No doubt some friends and family may still think me crazy but this all came down to "Put obedience where you say you say your faith is," crazy.

I’m evaluating (and re-evaluating) numerous details regarding the direction of my writing, speaking, and responsibilities within the community of faith of Harvest Bible Chapel. This fresh start has me examing a myriad of motives, goals, longings, and "in-the-light-of-eternity" considerations. I'm not at all sure what the end result will be but I rest knowing I don't have to. All that is required of me, yet again, is to obey.

Radio opportunities seem to be just upon the horizon and everything in me still aches and bellows (okay, I’m so not low-key when it comes to my passion for radio) for favor with producers, financial sponsors, entrepreneurs, and anything and everyone who desires to bring radically refreshing radio to Christian women everywhere.

Radio doesn’t care how much you weigh.

Radio doesn’t sum you up based on a clothing label.

Radio doesn’t form a cliché.

Radio doesn’t show wrinkles.

Radio allows women to get down to the basics of life.

I’d appreciate your prayers regarding this all-consuming passion. I can’t shake it. And I don’t believe I’m supposed to. If I’ve learned anything—if there’s anything I know to be true it is this: It is God who is at work in you both to will and to do His good pleasure. So I rest and smile; recalling the timeless Eric Liddell quote, “When I run I feel His pleasure.” Indeed, when I work in radio I feel His pleasure.

P.S. I'd love it if you'd send me an email and let me know the kind of radio-podcasting that you'd like to hear. So much of the "evaluating" I spoke about a few paragraphs before has to do with finding out what YOU like, what YOU need to grow in faith and life.

Home at Last

2008-08-23T16:49:00.000-07:00

When's the last time you've heard of seven men unloading two 26-foot moving vans in under two hours? Amazing, huh? That's exactly what happened as Rick (The Husband), Kristen, Ricky Neal, and Patrick (The Spawnlings), Andy (The Boyfriend), and Ron and Rod (The Father-in-Law and Brother of Husband), wearily pulled into the driveway of our new home.

Much to our delight, strong, burly men (and one petite but mighty woman) of the Ministry Moving Team of Harvest Bible Chapel, stood ready to dismantle our jam-packed trucks into the spacious confines of our cozy abode. And I'm talking MAJOR moving items (i.e. piano, solid cherry two-piece entertainment center, antique secretary's desk, etc.,) and numerous boxes of downsized-from-what-it-started-out-to-be stuff.

Here it is less than 24-hours later and our place already feels like home. Granted there are small piles here and there but thanks to the service of those mighty men and lone woman, The Barnhill's (and Andy) are able to rest & set around the living room relaxing. Rick and I have already discovered Woodman's Market (i.e. a seeming football field sized building of everything you could ever need regarding food, produce, bakery, and a gadzillion other items).

I couldn't sleep at all last night.

Thinking of all the changes which transpired over the three-hour drive to the place we're going to land for awhile. Goodbyes to friends and friend's children. Goodbye to our home church of twelve years. Goodbye to the home we poured ourselves into as homeowners and parents. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

And hello to new friends; Dave and Terri, two of the aforementioned brawny and petite movers. Hello to the fellowship of believers within our new church family of Harvest Bible Chapel. Hello new school for Patrick and new teachers, new sporting opportunities, and new opportunities to stand around in the chilly-rainy-windy late Fall days of Illinois weather during soccer. Hello to growing "higher up and deeper in" with our relationship with Jesus Christ.

Heavy sigh.
Contented smile.
Weary final keyboarding as my 43-year old body begs for sleep.

Places You Will Find Me

2008-08-20T13:54:00.000-07:00

Connie checked in via "Comments" and noted she looked forward to seeing me in the Chicagoland area. Well, I thought I'd do a short rundown of the most likely places that just might occur....

1. Barnes & Noble: I'll be parked in a comfy chair reading through one of following material types: Espionage; Spy; Humor (circa, Bloom County); Baking Cookbooks; Apologetics; and anything written by Elizabeth Berg or Jodi Picolt (with exception of her latest book. Oh, dear. What was she thinking?
2. Stein-Mart: Accessories! Purses! Home furnishings! Clothes I can't fit into 73.4% of the time.
3. Nordstrom's Rack: Shoes, my friend, shoes.
4. The Cheesecake Factory: please refer to Stein-Mart clothes disclaimer above.
5. Burnt Toast: see also; Stein-Mart disclaimer.
6. Downtown Musical: Jersey Boys here I come!
7. The Art Institute of Chicago Museum: You say Manet, I say Monet! Let's view them both. (Okay, that was a sad, sad, attempt at humor. Chalk it up to aforementioned blogpost packing mention.)
8. Pool at our Community Center: I may be able to get in a week or two before Fall temperatures force me to the...fitness center?!
9. Well, wouldathunkit! Fitness Center of some sort: I'm thinking Pilates or something 40-something friendly like that.
10. The warm confines of our new home: Getting to know and laughing so hard I snort with new friends.

Be sure to say hello if our paths cross!

One Tired Mother

2008-08-16T15:32:00.000-07:00

Sorry for going under-the-radar these past few weeks!

My family is moving to the Chicago area and the extent of my creative writing has been a thick-line Sharpie on heavy-gauge boxes noting "BASEMENT" or "OFFICE." I'm walking around like the Hunchback of Prairie City as I've filled box after box with book after book after book after book.
I have a veritable reference library and fully intend to purchase enough book shelves to display them all upon settling in our new home.

So, my cyber-friends, I beg your continued patience as we move this coming Friday, set up house, and get the 8th grader in school on the 27th and the two college age spawnlings on the road to gainful employment and college courses. I shall do my best to get back in the posting groove post Labor Day.

Until then, enjoy the days and nights with those you love.

Summertime and the living is . . . .

2008-07-23T07:09:00.000-07:00

a. easy

b. quiet

c. full of change

d. all of the above.

The answer is a resounding "d."

Easy as Rick and I found ourselves at home alone with Patrick (the first time in his thirteen-year old life): one ballgame a week to attend rather than two or three; one meal to fix on the fly as I'm sitting at my computer working; one ticket price for The Dark Knight. Yep, easy and cheap(er) indeed!

Quiet as Rick and I found ourselves home alone with Patrick sans his nearly-twenty year old sister who loves staying up late and discussing profundities of life and faith and his eighteen-year old brother who routinely practices his double-pedal and real life guitar hero skills. Yep, quiet leaving me more than a bit melancholy at times.

Full of change as we sign our names to the sale contract of our home and look toward our future as a family in the NW suburbs of Chicago. A future we smile and greet with arms wide open and full assurance of what is to come. A hope hard won from all which has come before.

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16

May you too find light in the darkness of change.

May you find smooth paths for your feet as you pursue your dreams.

May the irrepressible joy and peace of knowing there is a God who will never, never, leave you, inundate and saturate your life.

And remember, if you ever find yourself delayed at O'Hare International Airport or caught in a I-90/88 storm of Midwestern proportions, call or email! There will always be freshly-baked Tollhouse cookies and a friendly, cozy, "this close to Heaven" down comforter-laden bed to rest your frazzled mind and body.

Kick-Butt Spaghetti Recipe

2008-07-12T15:05:00.000-07:00

My thirteen-year old, Patrick, is quite the cook. He eats up (sorry, couldn't resist) Iron Chef and a few months ago when I was checking in from a travel date he told me about a breakfast dish he had prepared for the family. "And the caramelized onions were awesome!"

Say what? Caramelized onions? "Where did you learn to do that?" I asked.

"Watching Bobby Flay," he proudly answered.

So...our goal, this summer as Mom and "only child at home" is to cook together. And Anthony's Pasta Sauce and Meatballs is our first dish. Oh. My. Word. Is it ever tasty! Right now it's simmering on the stove; the aroma wafting through the rooms and making us all drool. The spaghetti's about to drop but I wanted to get this posted so you too can enjoy.

And be sure to check back regularly as Patrick and I will be serving up more dee-lish items as the weeks progress. Now, go cook and prepare to swoon!

Jamie Lynn

2008-07-10T06:17:00.000-07:00

I spent a couple of hours last night and today reading through the seeming inexhaustible dot.com critics, bashers, and pontificating bloggers voicing their thoughts about this young girl's life. I also read more than a few pre-publication spews and rants about Lynne Spears book, Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame & Family in a Tabloid World; and they all pretty much fell into this one gargantuan online category: "Everybody Knows This Woman's Done Everything Wrong Just Look at Her Kids."

You know what I think? Shut-up, already. If I've learned anything over the past twenty+ years of parenting it's this: "Anybody" who thinks they know "Everything" is just "Somebody" who has yet to go through "Anything" with their own flesh and blood (or equally close loved ones.)"

Take me for instance.

In 1981, I watched the child from The Pit of Despair--and his name wasn't Brad. Drat. I watched this kid and all the while I thought, "I will NEVER put up with a kid like this when I'm a mom."

In 1985, I observed a slightly-overweight mother of two-toddlers walk into a Pizza Hut where I was scarfing down slices with my college chums. My jean size? A 9/10. My brain size? 0.09. Yes, I formed the following thoughts while watching her, "Geez, how hard is it to keep your post-pregnancy figure?"

In 1996, I was the mother of an eight, seven, and one-year old. Patrick, the baby, covered me in slobbery wordless "love you, Mommy!" kisses and Kristen and Ricky fought to hold my hand and snuggled up so close to my side that you couldn't have wedged a Power Ranger action figure between us. And I thought, "It's always going to be this good--this easy--and this close between all of us."

Eight+ years later, "Anything" tapped on my front door. (I shouldn't have answered!)

"Anything" is humbling.
"Anything" gets your eyes focused on the home-front rather than the relationships of those around you.
"Anything" sets you back on your rear and keeps you down on your knees.
"Anything" is the Great Equalizer.
"Anything" teaches you the Hard and Fast Rule of Everything Mothering: Outlast em'!

And that's exactly what I thought as I read these words last night, "Around here, everyone has the same focus," Jamie Lynn tells OK!. "The focus is family, and that's a good way to live." "Mama has been here a bunch," she said. "She wants to see the baby all the time. She told me the doctors are always going to be real strict and tell you, `Don't do this and don't do that.' Just follow your instincts. You're the mother and you know what your baby needs. That's what I've done and it seems to have worked."

You know what I think?

Good for you, Lynne Spears for outlasting your girls and sticking with them through their choices & your Mama actions--good and bad, private and excruciatingly public, well-received or despised.

Good for you, Jamie Lynn for choosing to step up when you could have easily (and with a lot less intimidation, no doubt) checked out of the consequences of an unplanned new life.

Good for you, mother and daughter, for closing ranks and dealing with "Anything" together as a united family front.

Love, Mom

2008-07-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

I find myself writing near epistles to my two oldest as they work so far away from home this summer. Perhaps these thoughts will infuse your spirit and offer encouragement for the crappy day you just went through. Or project a ray of hope for the one which lies ahead. Maybe you'll want to cut and paste or forward this along to your own "sweet child" who is never too far from your heart. (Somebody grab me a Kleenex for pete's sake!)

First, my sweet child, some encouragement from God's heart:

"As you have received Christ Jesus the LORD, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude..." Colossians 2:6-7

"...But we urge you, brothers, to excel still more, and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your business and work with your hands, just as we commanded you: so that you may behave properly toward outsiders and not be in any need." I Thessalonians 4:11-12

"For even when we were with you, we used to give you this order: if anyone will not work, neither let him eat. For we hear that some among you are leading an undisciplined life, doing no work at all, but acting like busybodies. Now such persons we command and exhort in the LORD Jesus Christ to work in quiet fashion and eat their own bread. But as for you, do not grow weary of doing good." 2 Thessalonians 3:10-13

"Poor is he who works with a negligent hand, but the hand of the diligent makes rich." Prov. 10:4

"Commit your works to the LORD, and your plans will be established. The LORD has made everything for its own purpose." Prov. 16:3-4

"Listen to counsel and accept discipline, that you may be wise the rest of your days. Many are the plans in a man's heart, but the counsel of the LORD, it will stand." Prov. 19:20-21

"The reward of humility and the fear of the LORD are riches, honor, and life." Prov. 22:4

Ah, bub, continue to submit yourself to those in authority over you--human and God. It is a PRICELESS lesson you are learning; if you will learn--that of working well despite how you feel or the recognition or lack thereof. You're going to have good days and bad days. Days your emotions scream, "This is exactly where I need to be." Days your emotions dry up and you are left wondering why on earth you decided to do what you're doing.

This, my sweet son, is life. Working it out real. Continue to pray God will direct your path from day-to-day. Continue to pursue discipline--taking thoughts captive--putting a Jack Bauer choke-hold on anything and everything that sets itself up against the high calling of Christ Jesus in your life. I know you desire to minister in a manner that you can see with your own eyes (and fairly quickly at that) and grow disheartened with the drudgery of dishes and steamy vapors.

I know.

But I know this more; it is in the back room of life that God works out His purposes and plans. I know it is in your faithfulness to the small things of scraping plates and refilling ketchup bottles and mopping floors that His heart is won to trust you with more. I know having an appreciation for hard work is one of the BEST characteristics you can ever attain as a man, future husband, and future leader.

Looking down the road of life, I won't consider you the greatest success because you drive a certain car, live in a certain city, or accumulate X amount of money in your bank account. No, as your mother, I will look upon your life and beam with the grandest pleasure when your life naturally demonstrates a willingness, nay, even an expectation, for being seated in the last row, rather than first; complimenting a waiter or waitress; leaving a tip in a hotel room with a note saying, "Thank you!"; and pro-actively looking for a way to serve another. That's when I will stand most proud.

Love,
Mom

Rock & Roll Girl Post-script

2008-07-05T08:37:00.000-07:00

How could I forget this?!

A few months ago I met the amazing James Young of Styx (Note: "JY" to his closest chums; I called him Mr. Young) compliments of my equally 80's obsessed author/friend/well-connected co-hort, Lorilee Craker. Ah, the memories stirred. . . .

Lady: 8th grade server at Brunswick High School Prom; pining for a few Senior boys--hoping one of them would suddenly discover me at the punch table.
Lorelei: Getting a dirty look from my mom when I sang out, "Lorelei, let's liiiive too-getha!"
Suite Madam Blue: My second run-in with a nameless melancholy feeling via musical orchestration. (Feed the Birds from Mary Poppins was my first.)
Grand Illusion: This was one of two first-ever 8-tracks I owned. Who-ha! Fooling Yourself. Come Sail Away. I let'em rip on my Panasonic-6 watt-Stereophonic sound system from P. N. Hirsch.
Sing for the Day: Cranking this up while riding with Jennifer Heisel to school and just feeling good.
Babe: The theme to my first Prom date in 1980; too bad my date was longing for another.
The Best of Times: Softball team school bus rides to games far and wide. Man, I loved my friends!
Kilroy was Here: Let's pretend this never happened, shall we?
Don't Let It End: Exactly how I felt, again, when listening to one of my favorite rock bands 20+ years later.

Faux Steve

2008-07-04T11:16:00.000-07:00

I'm an unapologetic 80's Classic Rock kind of girl. Some of you may remember: Foreigner, Styx, and of course, Journey? How many summer nights did I spend belting out lyrics of Snow Blind, Urgent, and Fooling Yourself? (All the while ignoring the gargantuan mistake and horror of Mr. Roboto!) Indeed, my summer nights were filled with great music and no one sang it better than "I'm-convinced- he's-gonna-marry-me-someday-if-I-can-only-meet-him," Steve Perry.

My Steve was mine Faithfully. And my best-friend Cindy reminded me, "Julie, Don't Stop Believing!" So we purchased concert tickets and I really believed somehow, somewhere, the love of my seventeen-year old life would be waiting for me at the Kansas City arena with Open Arms and at last, instead of living Separate Ways, Worlds Apart, we would be together. What can I say? Girl Can't Help It, she's in deep infatuation.

Fast forward twenty+ years down the Dixie Highway and note my last name is Barnhill, Julie "Happy to Be" Barnhill. Turns out I'll Be Alright Without You, My Steve, but when you're Stone in Love, it can be difficult. Somehow I soldiered on, came to grips with my adulthood and learned to deal with all of the above.

I was fine. Really. But then My Steve went and got older, threatened a hip-replacement, and QUIT Journey just as I getting used to being a 30-something with kids. The Party's Over, indeed. Year after year, thereafter I hoped and prayed My Steve would return. He teased. He threatened. He even whined (methinks embarrassingly so) on VH-1.

But still, no My Steve.

While speaking in the San Francisco area I'd boldly ask if anyone knew him or could secure his email address. (What? Is there something wrong with that?) One woman's parents had lived across the street from his dad and possibly witnessed My Steve entering the premises. Another had a nephew who was a roadie during the hey-day of the 80's. Yet another said no to My Steve but she could possibly line me up meeting Huey Lewis.

Please. Huey's nice but no My Steve.

Imitator after imitator attempted to fill his microphone. Steve Augeri. Jeff Scott Soto. They should have just stayed home and played Rock Band. But then an item in The Wheel in the Sky of cyber-news. A hit of hope! A Six-Million- Dollar-Man-Neal-Schon kind of hope, mind you....

"Former fans, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster...with healthier hips."

Heart racing, pulse pounding, I dared to believe and clicked over and listened. Then I went to Wal-Mart (lone distributor and shiny waxed action alleys to "Swiftly Approaching Middle-Age Fans Formerly Known as Youthful & Cool") and purchased the album. I mean, CD.

Hello, Journey, my old friend! And to frontman Arnel Pineda and the future of more classic Journey sounds for my teenagers to belt out. Take it from this die-hard lover of classic Journey; this new guy's got the stuff. He's not trying to be My Steve (like anyone could) but he stares rabid believers like me in the eye and asks, Who's Crying Now?

3:38 AM Thoughts

2008-05-28T02:37:00.000-07:00

Sleep has been impossible tonight.

I've decided to kick the Pepsi habit (again) and the accompanying caffeine loss has my left temple pounding. But that's not the main reason I find myself writing so early into the morning. A dose of Excedrin Migraine off-sets the headache but does little, if anything, to alleviate the random thoughts, memories, and questions cycling through my mind...

I've been thinking about the "harvest" of twenty-years of mothering. All the words--thousands upon ten thousands of words I've sown; words of instruction, correction, praise, encouragement, frustration, joy, discouragement, anger, counsel.

I've been mulling over--no, that's far too innocuous a term--I've been evaluating the harvest of my own choices as a young girl, teenager, twenty-something, and beyond (I'll turn 43 in a couple of months); examining the outcome of those willful choices (some worthy, some horrendous) and considered the part they have played in the lives of my own three children.

You reap what you sow.
What goes around comes around.
Mothering is exhaustive work.
God gives strength to the weak!

Kristen and Ricky Neal (19 and 18 respectively) will soon be leaving for the entire summer to work at a Christian camp nestled in the midst of Sequoia National Park. I love the fact they will be together--looking out for one another--and strengthening their friendship as sister and brother. I smile knowing one will be working full-time hours as a dishwasher; the other housecleaning. Hard work coupled with a spirit of service will shape them far more than they realize.

Patrick (13) is more than happy to take on the status of "only" child. And his father and I are looking forward to getting to know him in a manner unlike the years before. We got a hint of what's to come this last school year. Ricky Neal was a Senior, he waited tables at our local Italian Pizzaria, Rosy's, and more evenings than not it was just the three of us--Rick, Patrick, and me, sitting at the table and catching up on the days events.

It was, well, weird at first: being able to finish a complete sentence without someone interrupting; needing to think of more to say often times as there were two less people to carry the conversation. But it was delightful too: listening to our third child (how often his voice was drowned out by the drama of other two!); fixing his favorite meal--night after night; and seeing him, in some ways, for what seems the very first time.

Please excuse the randomness of this post. It was early when I started and a couple of hours later as I finish. Love your children. Don't grow weary in planting and sowing words and actions doused in love and wisdom. Hang in there! Forgive much--of others and yourself.

MUST READ: How my mother's fanatical views tore us apart...

2008-05-23T05:41:00.000-07:00

Rebecca Walker, daughter of cultural icon, Alice Walker, describes what it was like to grow up with her famous feminist mother and declares her own joyous, One Tough Mother, choice to revel in motherhood.

Woman's Day Magazine

2008-05-03T06:18:00.000-07:00

Check out "How to be a Better Mom." and find my quotes as well as other fabulous parenting experts and real moms advice.

Another Great Prayer

2008-04-26T06:13:00.000-07:00

Mama Kelly, one of my posters sent this is to the comments section of the blog. I found it insightful enough to post for one and all to read:

Help us also remember that the mom in the grocery store with three screaming kids is just as irritated and frustrated as you are, and probably more so. The difference is that we standing on the outside giving the dirty looks have the privilege of going home in our quiet vehicle. She, on the other hand, has to take those little munchkins home with her and deal with their insanity all night while trying to figure out how to raise them in the healthy fear of the Lord and her.

Best Prayer I Have Heard In A Long Time...

2008-04-22T07:47:00.000-07:00

Heavenly Father,

Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.

Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love.

What I Did Right

2008-04-10T14:09:00.000-07:00

My second child will soon be graduating high school so I've been doing the "looking back" thing a lot of us do around this time of life. It still amazes me to hear him yell, "Mom!" and to know he's talking to ME.

Me! The mother who could barely remember to feed him once I began weaning him off the bottle. (Not to worry. Blueberry Buckle soon became his and my favorite. As for some unholy meat thing labeled "veal," well, he spewed it once and we never looked back.)

Me? The mother who in 1993 believed acting like one tough mother met yelling louder than a three-year old and physically over-powering a toddler when worse came to worse. Unfortunately for Ricky and me, worse came to worse far more often than it should have. You can read all about that period of, Awful Motherhood, (and the lasting change I found) in another book of mine, She's Gonna Blow.

Anyway, back to Graduation Day Pondering.

Yes, I'm still surprised to be his mom at times. Surprised he claims me as his rent too! But after all is pondered, analyzed, and considered, here's what I think: I did A LOT of things right. Yep. Right. Excellently right, if I may say so myself. And I've decided to list a few of them for your maternal reading pleasure. After doing so, make up your own list. Read them to your children (whether they want to listen or not) And treat yourself to a moment of maternal satisfaction.

What I Did Right

Asked a million questions regarding the health of my children (gestational development, weird rashes, apnea fears) and never hesitated to get a second and third opinion.
Picked up my babies nearly every time they cried.
Read, "I Love You Forever," 16,435,943 times. Really.....I'm serious.
Going away on week long vacations...without kids.
Admitted SpongeBob SquarePants is funny. Stupid, but funny.
Saying, "Because I said so, that's why," without guilt or hesitancy.
Belting out, Don't Stop Believing, and other classic rock-and-roll at the top of my lungs while stuck in traffic with my children---with the windows rolled down. (I was supposed to marry Steve Perry. He failed to see me amongst the other 30,000+ fans at the Kansas City arena in 1983. "Oh, Julie, our love holds on, holds on....")
Saying, "I'm sorry," when I needed to.
Baking Tollhouse Chocolate Chip Cookies nearly once a week for the past 20 years.
Admitting when I was (am) wrong. (It happens on occassion.)
Living my life as authentically and loudly as possible before my children's eyes.

All Julie, All the Time (well, okay, maybe not all the time because you might actually grow weary of looking at my face for that long)

2008-02-29T11:42:00.000-08:00

Have you ever hit your computer keyboard in the wee hours of the night (or crack of dawn) hoping to find THE answer to your current parenting dilemma? If so, surf no more! If you've got an "issue" chances are I or one of the other faculty members at iQuestions.com can help. Simply click on the subject you need and listen to real-time answers to your real-time concerns. You're gonna love it!

Q: It seems as though people don't like to be honest about how hard parenting really is. Or, is it just me?

Watch Julie Barnhill's Answer
More from Julie Barnhill

iQuestions Video Answers for Parents

2008-02-28T09:37:00.000-08:00

I'm thrilled to be working as an online faculty member with iQuestions.com.

If you've got questions...we've got answers! I'll be posting direct video links on my web site as well as within the blog page as the days progress. What a marvelous way for us to interact and for you to get a dose of One Tough Mother wit and wisdom. Twenty-years of parenting taught me more than a few do's and don'ts which will help equip you to step up during the wonder years of infants, toddlers, pre-schooler, elementary, tweens, teens, and young adults.

Oh, My Word!

2008-02-04T18:20:00.000-08:00

Here's an Official One Tough Educational Edict which is sure to make you chuckle.

Me thinks this story shan't be discussed during Super Tuesday new hits and such. Me also thinks it would be wonderful to declare an equal moratorium of public displays of political flatulence. But, that's just me.

Another Real Christmas Newsletter Excerpt....

2007-12-21T06:55:00.000-08:00

Hi girls,

There will not be Christmas cards sent from my house this year, can't do it. But for my closest girlfriends I decided to compose a "real" Christmas card in honor of our favorite hearts at home mom, Julie Barnhill. So, here goes...

My true feelings about the reality of Christmas carols...

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS? Also known as the twelve most stressful days when on top of our normal lives, we have to "do" Christmas.
PEACE ON EARTH? Let me think about that...mmm....NO I don't think so, my kids will be home for 16 days.
SILENT NIGHT? I doubt it, relatives coming, last minute gift wrapping, tossing and turning because I may have forgot something, and those inevitable sleepovers. .
DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR? Your husband snoring so you can sneak into bed.
JOY TO THE WORLD? Yes, I don't have to pack lunches, get up early, or help with homework for two weeks.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT!
Thanks for your true friendship all year long.

Beth

2007-12-19T20:11:00.000-08:00

The Gratitude Campaign

It's not about politics: Democrat vs Republican vs Moderate vs Independent...
It's not about the federal budget...
It's not about talking heads on nighttime TV...

It's about REAL men...
It's about REAL women...
Sons...
Daughters...
Sacrifice...
Service...

Next time you see a man or woman clothed in the military colors of the United States of America...STOP...and take the time to express your gratitude.
It doesn't change your political views...
It doesn't balance the budget...
It doesn't shut the mouths of the endless pundits...

It's simple grace. And simply the right thing to do.

The Seattle Seahawks, in stadium at Qwest Field and on www.spiritof12.com
The Pittsburgh Steelers, in-stadium at Heinz Field
The Seattle Storm, in-arena at The Key Arena
The Seattle Supersonics, in-arena at The Key Arena
The Portland Trail Blazers, in-arena at the Rose Quarter
YouTube, www.youtube.com/gratitudecampaign
KOMO 4 News, http://www.komotv.com/home
KING 5 News, www.king5.com
AM 570 KVI, the Kirby & Co. show

My Christmas Wish List (may or may not require actual cash purchase)

2007-12-19T11:52:00.000-08:00

Lifetime subscription to Publishers Weekly.
A sound machine that truly masks hotel noises.
Improvisation training with the guys from Who's Line Is It.
$100.00 weekly credit at Barnes & Noble for reference material (and occasional Allure magazine.)
MacBook Pro (as lightweight as possible) loaded with a gadzillion bytes of MacPro-stuff which can NOT be messed around with and/or otherwise inadvertently erased by a twelve-year old formerly referred to as "my son."
All my lost email files, folders, and sub-folders; see also, above
Lifetime working relationship with patient GeekSquad type man or woman who can teach me how to use (i.e. turn on) my MacBook Pro
Ditto patient Blackberry type
All published works/writing/musings of:

Dr. Francis Schaeffer
Frederick Buechner
Dietrich Bonhoeffer

7N580 Wagontire Rd., St. Charles, IL (Hey, every girl needs a place to call home)
Airbrush make-up tool for use with High-Def cameras and TV screens.
In-home studio tricked out with all the broadcasting tools and high-quality details for recording and hosting a radio show
Official home office completely set apart from the rest of my domestic domain (i.e. a place I can lock the door and no one can get in!)
Warehousing all print/audio/video material with a third party; no more shipping details! no more delivery fiasco!
Hire top-tier people to produce branding media concepts (which are about to make my brain explode.)
Snappy set of virtually indestructible "I Can Spot It Four Conveyor Belts Away!" lime green luggage.
A new Bible--a retro version with wide margins and blank pages for documenting life, faith, and everything in-between
Lifetime supply of Pepsi
Entire audio teaching library of Dr. James MacDonald
300 cc's of Restylane

Just Say "YES!" to Ordinary Christmas Letters

2007-12-13T12:54:00.000-08:00

Enough of those long-winded, read-how-fabulous-and-extraordinary my family is Christmas card newsletters/epistles! For the past eleven months I've encouraged tens of thousands of women (because we seem to be the wackos creating most of those fictionalized newsletters; not men) to write an altogether delightfully real update this Season. Here's one such real world example. God bless us everyone!

Merry Christmas 2007! We've had a wonderful year! My kids' favorite hobby seems to be disintegrating me into a screaming maniac these days. I've discovered a new 'escape' though;
I lock myself in the bathroom and pretend the pounding on the door is a passing car with a good sound system.

I've read a lot about 'Cocktail playgroups' and so I'm thinking of starting one in January if I can muster up enough energy. With all my "free time" as a stay at home mom, I've started reading a new series of books without pictures, in between watching Oprah and eating bon-bons, much to the envy of my working friends.

My new best friend, the pest control guy, stops by once a month for a chat about 'grooming insects vs. non-grooming insects', which is the highlight of my adult conversation as long as you don't count the postman. Mine just returned from three weeks of sick leave. I really missed her. The replacement guy just isn't friendly. I'm glad she came back, I was about to sabotage the washer so I could talk to the repairman.

Well, I have to go now, Oprah's almost on, and I need to brush my teeth and get dressed before the kids and my husband get home, I may even start dinner if I can find the phone number for the pizza guy.

GADS!

2007-11-21T07:07:00.001-08:00

My apologies...a glitch in my system hasn't allowed me to post to my blogspot for three weeks now. But I'm back and just in time for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Here's a quick one tough mother thought as you load up your van today and hit those 4:00 am sales for whacked-out consumers (btw, I'm way to old for such a thing--I'll amble my way in around December 23rd and find something that works for everyone on my list) and it is this: Don't lose your mind during these next four weeks! Don't try and make up for all relational dsyfunction by charging gifts you can't afford for people you don't particularly like and say no, and say it often...

"No, I'm not buying you the New! Improved! Nintendo/PlayStation/Strawberry Shortcake Galactic-Mafia-Be-a-Pimp-for-a-Day game station and accompanying $125.00 games!"

"No, we will not event attempt to hit five different homes with five different sets of relatives in a five-hour time frame!"

"No, we will not feel guilty about the above no."

"No, I'm not going to count the carb/fat/calorie levels of the plate in front of me...or someone else!"

"No, I will not choose to defile the sanctity of the holiday dinner table hour to hash out all my pent-up issues with my brother and/or sister."

Fright Night

2007-10-30T12:05:00.000-07:00

More likely to resemble a paparazzi snapshot at tmz.com today's Halloween get-up for girls is frightening. Scarier yet, parents actually buy this junk. Forget the days of princesses and tiara's--you're more likely to spot a wanna-be Paris Hilton decked out in incarceration-stripes with accompanying plunging neckline and cropped up-to-there hemline. Needless to say--but I will anyway--when it comes to sense and sensibility during Halloween the less your ten-year old daughter resembles someone off the cover of a tabloid the better.

BIG NEWS: Me and DC's NUMBER ONE Morning Radio: The Jack Diamond Show

2007-10-23T08:34:00.000-07:00

Kicking off November 7th at 7:20 EST, this One Tough Mother will join the fabulous programming team at 107.3 FM with refeshingly real, slightly irreverent, but always relevant expert parenting advice.

And what a show this is my friend: NUMBER ONE with women 25-54 (MY PEOPLE!) and top three with persons 25-54. Trust me, it doesn't get much better than this!

Stay tuned for more information and be sure to listen LIVE! November 7th via radio or internet
connection.

Are You Kidding Me?!

2007-10-18T05:54:00.000-07:00

Every morning and evening I scour through news sights looking for stories which impact us both as mothers and a mothering culture. This one nearly knocked me off my One Tough Mother feet--despite a certain level of cynicism wrought over nearly two decades of parenting.

It's unfathomable to me that any parent--any mother--would sit quietly by and allow such madness as follows to exist within their school system and district. I've never advocated a "placard-waving-slogan-protesting" lifestyle...but if news like this doesn't have you looking for your wide-tip Sharpie, I don't know what will.

PORTLAND, Maine (AP) - Pupils at a city middle school will be able to get birth control pills and patches at their student health center after the local school board approved the proposal Wednesday evening.
The plan, offered by city health officials, makes King Middle School the first middle school in Maine to make a full range of contraception available to students in grades 6 through 8, according to the state Department of Health and Human Services.
There are no national figures on how many middle schools, where most students range in age from 11 to 13, provide such services.
"It's very rare that middle schools do this," said Divya Mohan, a spokeswoman for the National Assembly on School-Based Health Care.
The Portland School Committee voted 5-2 for the measure.
Chairman John Coynie voted against it, saying he felt providing the birth control was a parental responsibility. The other no vote came from Ben Meiklejohn, who said the consent form does not clearly define the services being offered.
Opponents cited religious and health objections.
Diane Miller said she felt the plan was against religion and against God. Another opponent, Peter Allen, said he felt it violated the rights of parents and puts students at risk of cancer because of hormones in the pill.
A supporter, Richard Verrier, said it's not enough to depend on parents to protect their children because there may be students who can't discuss things with their parents.
Condoms have been available since 2002 to King students who have parental permission to be treated at its student health center.
About one-fourth of student health centers that serve at least one grade of adolescents 11 and older dispense some form of contraception, said Mohan, whose Washington-based organization represents more than 1,700 school-based centers nationwide.
At King Middle School, birth control prescriptions will be given after a student undergoes a physical exam by a physician or nurse practitioner, said Lisa Belanger, who oversees Portland's student health centers.
Students treated at the centers must first get written parental permission, but under state law such treatment is confidential, and students decide for themselves whether to tell their parents about the services they receive.
Five of the 134 students who visited King's health center during the 2006-07 school year reported having sexual intercourse, said Amanda Rowe, lead nurse in Portland's school health centers.
A high school in Topeka, Kan., on Wednesday stopped providing free condoms to students after district officials learned of the month-old program. The district has a policy against providing contraceptives.

God forbid any of us remain silent when it comes to our children. And, yes, you should read that as "children."

NOT little adults.

NOT pre-adults.

But children. Cognitively, developmentally, psychologically, and good grief, sexually! Do I really have to explain it?! Eleven, twelve, and thirteen year olds are children. I am the mother of a twelve-year son. A twelve-year old who balks at scooping the poop out of the cat litter box. A twelve year old who is in NO WAY WHATSOEVER capable or responsible in recognizing the big picture realities of sexual choices. And no, it's not because I haven't spoken to him or the result of my refusing to have him learn about the technicalities of hormones and such.

No, he doesn't get the Big Picture because....fasten your seatbelt....he is a child.

It's time to stand up (once again) and face the giant of out-of-control school boards and school administrations and systems. There's no way in creation you or I should allow ourselves to set back and condone a school--any school in any district--to disperse condoms, birth control pills, (gads, I can't believe I'm even typing these words in regards to middle-school children!) or anything remotely linked to the sexual (and therefore spiritual) health of children.

It's time to step up and be the Mom.

And You Are?..........

2007-10-10T07:54:00.000-07:00

Someone has to be the boss but many times its not Mom who steps up. And when that happens it's bad for her kids, bad for her, and bad for the general public at large. Think not? Well, consider the alternative...which, by the way, can be observed and verified while cruising through the local aisles of your nearest grocery store, Box-Mart, or former favorite eating spot:

Ambivalent Mom: Poor thing...sometimes I just want to shake her and scream, "Quit being so darn skittish and DO something!" This Shake-n-Scream urge generally awakens after observing Ambivalent Mom's older child attempting to shove his younger sibling beneath a shopping cart basket and hearing the cries of, "Stop! You're hurtin' me. I don't want to go under the cart, etc." All the while noting Ambivalent Mom's reluctance to act...move...or pry Damien away from his little brother.

Expletive Mom: Oh, come on, we've all heard her. Vocal blue-streak streaming LIVE over teeming masses at Box-Mart or the youth soccer tourney. "I told you to pick up your *#&@! cleats while we were walking out of the ^&%! door, so don't look at me like it's my #*&! fault.

Oblivious Mom: Not to be confused with Ambivalent Mom, everyone BUT Oblivious Mom sees and hears and feels motivated to do something about her children. Perhaps you sat next to her last time you went out to eat with your husband or friend while OM's child ran about nearly tackling the wait staff or her teenagers spoke so loud and obnoxiously that you couldn't hear a word your companion spoke. (You know who you are! And I sat next to you at Red Lobster in 1999.)

We are such a mess sometimes as a mom, aren't we? But we don't have to remain ambivalent, cursing, or oblivious to our role as a mom. We can step up and start speaking and living some OTM reality. Here's one tip for you to activate in your home--do it and let One Tough Mother confidence begin.

Speak Truth
For years and years the following truth has been embedded into my children's little brains anytime they wished to usurp my "this is the way it's going to be" rulings. Feel free to follow suit:

Me: "Kristen/Ricky/Patrick, who's the boss?"
Child: "You are." (Usually said with abject sadness)
Me: "Kristen/Ricky/Patrick, who's going to win?"
Child: "You are." (Always said with resignation)
Me: "Kristen/Ricky/Patrick, why am I going to win?"
Child: "Because you're the boss." (Sighing gloomily and walking away)

Insatiable Carnivore Culture

2007-10-02T14:54:00.000-07:00

It happened.

She lost custody of her two young sons and somewhere lost amidst the cacophony of competing headlines and scrolling "Breaking News Alerts," there is a family--an altogether REAL flesh and blood family composed of people (grandmother, grandpa, aunt, cousins, and extended life-long friends) not unlike you or me.

Such news has brought all manner of interest to the title of my newest book, One Tough Mother, as producers, anchors, and hosts, consider the seeming infinite interest in motherhood gone wrong. I look forward to speaking boldly of the ten life-changing non-negotiables which equip young and old mothers alike to step up and lead their children with confidence and graceful authority. As well as trust my words will perhaps reach the heart and life of a broken young mother and those hurting around her.

2007-09-27T12:01:00.000-07:00

The Price of Failing to Step Up

Like many of you reading these pages, I live in a community where under-age drinking is quite prevalent. Oh, the local D.A.R.E. program does it's yearly school thing but over the past twelve years of our living here children (yes, children, not mini-adults as some would seek to have you view them) have been caught drinking and parents have been slapped on the wrist for providing the alcohol, having it accessible to children, or looking the other way. So much for accountability and responsibility.

More than once, over the last five years of active teenage parenting, I have looked at my husband and honestly asked, "Are we the only sane parents!?" Oh, I know there are others--Anne, Dennis, Cynthia, Mark, Gary, Darla, and hundreds more--but sometimes it feels as if a warped Parallel Parenting Universe composed of mindless "can't-see-the-big-picture" fathers and mothers make up the majority of supposed adults.

Sigh. I'm sick of reading headlines and captions such as the one in the opening of this post.

What's wrong with us as adults?!

When did the safety of our children and others people's children come to mean so little?

When did we lose our brain and forfeit our soul.

For the love of the Creator when did we abdicate so thoroughly the role of Protector and Nurturer?

In my community several years ago a boy barely into his teens was dropped off in a cemetery by his equally drunken "buddies" to sleep off a serious night of binge drinking. It was winter time in the state of Illinois and after hours passed-out in the unrelenting cold this boy--this child--froze to death.

A
l
o
n
e.

I've never been able to (and I pray I never will) shake that reality from my heart and mind. He was just a child--thirteen, maybe fourteen, years old. He should have been home playing Nintendo or flopped on the couch watching ESPN. We as a community should have been outraged and grieved and changed. Perhaps as individuals we were but as a community not enough to say, "Enough!"

We've dealt with these matters in our family and I'm no, "My babies would never think of taking a drink of alcohol," wacko-Mom here. No, I'm a realist when it comes to such matters--but that doesn't mean I capitulate and give up the battle.

Yes, teens are going to try their best to drink if they want to drink, take drugs if they want to take drugs, and a myriad of countless other things, but gads, that doesn't mean we should have Open Bar night in the family room and serve up shots. Nor give up the parental ship all together.

And when a parent DOES allow and/or encourages such asinine, illegal, and dangerous action and behavior by underage children, well, nothing short of being held accountable and judged to the fullest extent of the law should occur.

Kate McCann's Journal Entries: ...and the truth shall get you arrested

2007-09-26T05:37:00.000-07:00

I've been diligently following the story of missing four-year old Madeline McCann and read the following news comments in a September 13, 2007, online edition of Time magazine:

On May 3, nine days before her fourth birthday, Madeleine McCann, a British girl on vacation with her parents in Portugal, disappeared. She hasn't been found in more than four months despite one of the most intensive and far-flung missing-person searches in history. This past spring and summer, Europe and much of the rest of the globe became fixated on the disappearance, which carries both the international breadth of the Diana tragedy and the hypersentimental, at times prurient fascination that Americans brought to the unsolved case of another little blond girl, JonBenét Ramsey.The Pope and even bigger global celebrities--David Beckham and J.K. Rowling among them--have taken an interest in the search for Madeleine. People around the world have given more than $2 million to a private investigative fund begun by Drs. Kate Healy McCann and Gerry McCann, Madeleine's parents. Yet many Americans have only a vague sense of Madeleine's case and why it has mesmerized so many for so long. Only in the past few days, when it emerged that her parents might be charged with accidentally killing her, has Madeleine's image begun to appear with regularity in the U.S. media.

On September 7, Portuguese authorities named both parents as suspects and within a brief amount of time Kate McCann's (mother of Madeline) personal diary entries were being examined by Portuguese investigators as well as being quoted online in the court of public opinion.

I literally cringed upon reading the first online heading:

Kate McCann's diary 'tells of struggle to control Madeleine'

Look, I'm an ocean (or two) away from the all the details and I'm not about to purport to know what's-what when it comes to the investigation of this yet another horror story of loss and every parents nightmare. All I know is gleaned from what I read in online news articles and what I hear on television.

Clearly, the facts of the case are for the authorities to settle. However, I literally cringe upon consideration of a mother's personal journal/diary musings being copied, printed, and quoted for public consumption--especially given the fact that up until this moment, Kate McCann has not been officially charged with specific crimes against her daughter. Nor have these diary documents been presented against her in an official court of law. No, her words were filed away in the confines of her journal; read and copied by authorities; and then leaked to journalists.

Can you even begin to imagine YOUR journal entries made during the frustrating, weary, and difficult years of motherhood being read and dissected? Analyzed and judged? I want this little girl found as much as the next mother reading these words. And I understand ALL things must come under minute scrutiny to accomplish the end goal. I understand...but God forbid any one of us stand convicted based on our gut-wrenchingly authentic confessions and struggles squirreled away in a journal or computer document alone.

MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) International Convention

2007-09-21T05:11:00.000-07:00

I'm typing from my Gaylord Palm Resort balconey view room in semi-sunny (a tornado touched down just fifty miles from here last night) Florida. Over 4,000 women in leadership positions have converged sans children for three days and nights of training, fellowship, food, and frivolity. Ahhh....sweet!

Last night I spoke with a couple hundred of those wonderful women and reconnected at my book and product table regarding matters of the heart and home. You know stuff like toddlers refusing to poop in the potty, strong-willed toddlers (and teenagers); and mothes finding REAL LIFE-CHANGE from their anger due to the material and honest discussion offered in my first book, She's Gonnal Blow: Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger.

Check this out

2007-09-17T12:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes One Tough Mother simply needs to be reminded--gently reminded--of the glorious insanity of those earlier parenting years. Click on the video frame of a blue-shirted dad playing a guitar to your right under the title, "Pachelbel Bedtime" and enjoy!

Britney

2007-09-09T21:35:00.000-07:00

I watched the opening and just finished reading through a dozen or so "reviews" regarding Britney Spear's Sunday night come-back performance on the MTV Video Music awards in Las Vegas.

Sigh.

From the moment her eyes made contact with the camera, every Tough cell in me wanted to jump through the fiber optic cables (and/or whatever gets the image from there to here) and rescue a young woman imploding moment by moment on stage. To rescue a young mother of two little boys with words of hope and One Tough Mother truth.

The magazines, gossip sites, and sorry stand-up comedians who have reveled in her fall will no doubt continue with their vapid, useless, and soul-killing comments. But for those who have known grace (and please tell me we are many) there was no thrill or glee noting her...

vacant eyes,
lethargic and stilted dance moves,
forced, tired and over-played sexuality.

So, today, as you're going about your routine, mundane, and oh-so-blessed everyday life as a mom, think of Britney and pray for her. Pray for all the details which we need not know about via Star magazine or TMZ.com. Pray for her own mother, Lynne Spears, and for their relationship. Pray Britney will discover her true worth apart from sculpted abs or the fleeting acclaim of an audience.

Ricky Neal at (nearly) 18

2007-08-24T11:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, this will totally out me age-wise but here goes....Remember the television dramatic series, James at 15? cricket...cricket...cricket. Hmm, just as I suspected. James aired in 1977 and my parents wouldn't let me watch the show (One Tough Parent censorship!) but I remember browsing through my best-friend's sisters Tiger Beat magazine and noticing what a cutie Lance Kerwin was.

I haven't thought about that show since, well, probably 1978, but after a late-night conversation with my oldest son, Ricky Neal, I thought of that character. Ricky is making his way...figuring out who he is and which direction he wants to take once the high school graduation hoopla is over and done. And he's considering--seriously considering the United States Marines.

Oh, dear. Talk about a One Tough Mother learning curve!

I'm learning one tough mother can't dictate to their quickly approaching official adult status eighteen-year old son, "Uh, you certainly do not have permission to join the Corps! Now go to your room until I tell you it's safe to come out."

Nor can I write a letter to future Commanding Officers of the U. S. Marines requesting any future deployments of a Marine who just happened to spring from my womb to be somewhere nice and safe--say, right here in his hometown.

Nope.

This is a dramatic series to be played out in our home and family. This is Ricky Neal at (nearly) 18--desiring a life of nobility and leadership opportunities. And this is his One Tough Mother at 42--learning how to step up and be the mom by wisely and steadily learning how and when to let go. Far from easy, mind you, but nothing of lasting relational value ever is.

You Gotta Love It

2007-08-13T14:12:00.000-07:00

Well, if any of you have even remotely wondered if your dear, sweet, adorable, toddler spawnling could be ma--manip--yes, manipulating you, take a peek at the laughter inducing video offered to your right. Click on the second screen (black and white image) and just watch this Oscar award winning performance. What a hoot! You shall "see" the truth and the truth will set you One Tough Mother free!

Disclaimer: I don't know what the heck the last video offered is supposed to be about. It's a strange one. I don't get to choose which videos accompany my Oscar nominated choice so just ignore the spawnling in the red devil suit. Weird.

Coming to a Radio Station Near You

2007-08-08T20:52:00.001-07:00

I spent the better part of the morning recording multiple 60-second spots for your One Tough Mother listening pleasure. I'll post details and such as I gather them from the production team. If you happen to hear my voice over the airwaves or via cyber-communication, be sure to contact those responsible and let them know you enjoyed it and would love to hear more.

More than anything I'm holding out for one day hosting my own talk show. Be it television or radio--but I really like radio. Radio is personal and it doesn't matter one bit what I'm wearing nor what my current jean size might be. It doesn't matter to me and it doesn't matter to you--that's the best part. All you have to do is listen while you work or play or veg out over a long weekend. All you have to do is hear yourself in my stories and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are not alone in any manner whatsoever.

So, dear blog-o reader.....if you're a visionary and/or broadcast producer looking to put together a kick-butt interactive talk-show format of refreshingly real and relevant material for 21st century women...CALL NOW (309-775-4331).

Here's to You!

2007-08-02T09:03:00.000-07:00

Here's a shout-out to all those mothers doing the right things, saying the right things, and maintaining One Tough Mother non-negotiables...

You're Fabulous!
You're the Best!
You're making a difference!
You're...well, you're weary aren't you?
Yep, I thought so.

Saying "no" time and time again (even though you know you're right) can wear you down.

Choosing to show up in your child's life and maintaining "I'm the Mom" authority and leadership (even though you'd prefer to check out, sit yourself on the couch, grab a bag of Lay's Sour Creme and Onion, and turn over to 'Scott Baio's 45 & Single') can wear you down.

And going to bed each evening knowing you get to do it all again, well, as guilty as we may feel to admit, it can wear you down.

I don't really have any magic solutions to all the OTM reality but I will share this with you...

It's worth it and you're not the only mom worn out and ready to wave the white flag!
That's why we need one another. That's why we have this place to come to--24/7--to find a respite from the day-to-day monotony of being present. That's why I wrote One Tough Mother.

To encourage you to stay with it because twenty years down the road--you won't regret what you did right. (You may regret the disproportionate amount of white hair growing on your head but that's another issue--that's another blogsite.)

Twenty years from today you will look back on all those times you stood firm.

Twenty years from today your children will remember a smidgen of the words you spoke, but you, One Tough Mother, will never regret the infinite amount of love, actions, responsibility, and grace, your being present in their lives poured into their lives.

OTM vs The Tweenager

2007-07-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

What should have taken about fifteen minutes tops turned into a four-hour chore for my twelve year old son...

Late last evening I stepped outside to put some pork chops on the grill when I noticed my husband pulling weeds out of a pile of pea gravel next to our sad little excuse for a garage. I noticed him and then noticed Patrick the Tweenager shooting hoops about three-feet from his working father.

"Hey, you!" I shouted, "Get over there and help your dad get those weeds out of there so we can move the gravel elsewhere."

Patrick the Tweenager stopped dribbling just long enough to toss a smirky grin my way and then flippantly replied, "Helllllo, Mom, I'm working on my lay-ups." Dribble, dribble, dribble.

Oh, no he didn't.

Heads up shout-out to all readers: This One Tough Mother doesn't "do" smirky and/or flippant. Let's just say he was pulling weeds pretty quickly after. But here's the deal, he wouldn't shut-up while doing so. It was "stupid" this and "Stupid Ricky (a/k/a his older brother) never does anything" that, and I heard myself say once, then twice, "Patrick, close your mouth and just do your job."

Sigh. He no understand One Tough Mother-ish.

So he spouted off one more time and I clearly dictated the following: "If you open your mouth one more time to say absolutely anything you will be hauling the gravel out from this spot over to the other side of the garage where your father and I want it--by yourself. One more word and Ricky won't be helping. One more word and you'll guarantee a two to three hour work day for yourself bright and early tomorrow."

He no even try to understand One Tough Mother-ish.

I believe the word, his last word, was "Ooooooo."

And so it went.

"Congratulations, you just succeeded in creating a mountain out of a mole hill and I shall be waking you up at 8:00 am to complete the remainder of this task." He sulked-- Tweenager style--to his room (i.e. slammed the back porch door, muttered incoherently, slammed his bedroom door, muttered incoherently) and I didn't see his sulky face for another nine hours. (Thank you, Jesus!)

Now, here's the moral of the story. The "Ripley's Believe it or Not" wrap-up, if you will. I awoke said Tweenager at 7:45 am the following morning. He got out of bed. Ate a bowl or two of cereal and then went outside and did the remainder of his work.

Sans complaint.
Sans arguing.
Sans snarky adolescence snit of attitude.

And while Patrick the Tween would never admit this aloud, I know it to be true: he knew exactly who he was dealing with--One Tough Mother--and decided it just wasn't worth the effort to go against her.

So too your children as you firmly step up and be the One Tough Mother your children need and your sanity requires.

It Works!

2007-07-25T12:54:00.000-07:00

Just had this pop into my email Inbox a few minutes ago:

Julie, I just finished listening to your workshops from this year's Hearts at Home conference the other night. I was about to shave my head as I am the OTM of a 9, 5, 3, and 1 year old. But I calmed down and put on your CDs instead and knew I was alright because I am the Boss!

Who's One Tough Mother?

2007-07-23T08:39:00.001-07:00

For the past ten years I've found myself writing to and speaking with tens of thousands of women (many of them moms) and time and time again I'm struck by their tales of feeling out of control and somewhat (!?) ineffective when it comes to dealing with precocious toddlers, headstrong preschoolers, increasingly mouthy grade-schoolers, junior high know-it-alls or hormonally challenged teenagers. Sometimes all five in one family!

(Note: Oh, dear. Let's bow our collective cyber heads and pray reeeaaaaal hard for these mothers. Come to think of it, let's offer two prayers because I know a lot of you offered up this little sincere ditty: "Thank God that's not me.")

These moms live and hash out real life as far away as Debrencen, Hungary; Beijing, China; Stevenage, London; and as close as Brunswick, MO, and Bushnell, IL. I have to tell you, they've all lamented, wailed, gnashed their teeth, and/or otherwise pleaded for a mothering lifeline. And a large percentage have simply wanted me to tell them why they shouldn't just pack up the spawnlings and ship them off to Life Camp; forgot that sorry "day" camp or "summer" camp stuff, these women are desperate!

Here's what I believe, you don't have to (nor were you ever meant to) go through your days, weeks, months, and before you know it, years feeling as though you're anything but confident and in charge as a mom. You don't have to feel your life is worthy of a British Nanny 911 feature film. (As if a single one-hour program could fix all your "issues"!) You don't have to sit around waiting for someone other than you to step up and take the lead.

It's not only possible for you to step up and take charge of your kids, it way past time to do so. That's where this web site and my writing/speaking/resources come in. See, as I've made my way through nearly two decades of my own children's developmental stages--infant, toddler, pre-school, adolescence, early young adulthood--I've figured out what can't be put off, undermined, or denied.

As a result of those twenty-years, I've discovered and become convinced of what is absolutely, positively, without apology necessary. I've become convinced of the "non-negotiables" every mom needs to implement in her life and that of her children.

It is possible to step up and be the mom!
It is possible to have a settled confidence as a mom.
It is possible to hold fast your ground and steadily create a self-assured and healthy authoritative presence in the life of your child.

And I'm going to help you do it! So be sure to regularly check back and chime in with comments, poll casting, and any questions you may have for this One Tough Mother.

Let the Polling Begin

2007-07-19T11:24:00.001-07:00

I thought it would be interesting and hopefully both a bit encouraging & challenging to see how "refreshingly real" moms answer the question posed today on One Tough Mother. Perhaps your answer changes according to the mood you're in or the status of your hormone levels (or lack thereof.) Maybe you'd answer one way for one child and another for the kiddo that just seems to have a gift for pushing every one of your pushover mom buttons.

Whatever the case may be click the one(s) most appropriate to your probable response or actual real mom experience. And while you're here, go ahead and post a comment letting us know how an actual OTM moment went with your child. Give us the good, the bad, and especially the One Tough Mother ugly! *smile* After all, it's all about coming clean with our missteps and pressing forward to become the firm, kind, but in-control "I'm the boss" moms we were meant to be.

They're Everywhere

2007-07-18T13:40:00.000-07:00

This week you could tune in and watch them via The Today Show or Good Morning America--moms (oh, dads were part of the problem too but for the sake of our blogging perspective I'll keep it focused on the XX-chromosome parenting unit) who just don't quite know what to do with their rambunctious and oh-so-headstrong toddlers and preschoolers.

Grown women.
Educated women.
Working and at-home women.

Demographics or location meant nothing as I watched, listened to their lamenting and fairly willed myself to magically appear in their living rooms and kitchens shouting,
"You gotta be One Tough Mother!"

Methinks I shall have adequate material for years and years to come. Then again, if moms everywhere (and dads are welcome also) will only read and implement the SANE and SENSIBLE non-negotiable material I write and speak about in One Tough Mother, maybe it'll only be a few more months or years.

Welcome!

2007-07-16T14:22:00.000-07:00

Hey, You! Nice to have you stop in here at my newest blogging endeavor...One Tough Mother. You'll see things are a bit new (i.e. still lots of work to do) but I know you're going to enjoy bookmarking this spot and checking in and out throughout your, well, your days, weeks, months, and years of taking on children and mothering.

You'll find updated news hits informing you of newsworthy One Tough Mother hi's-and-low's dealing with (or not as the case may be) spawnlings across the world. As well as additional thoughts and cheering-on from me, your favorite One Tough Mother.